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最終更新日 : 2012/01/29 (Sun) 10:09
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最終更新日 : 2012/01/29 (Sun) 10:09
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
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The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a \'C\', the idea must be feasible.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
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Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you\'ll be afraid to cough.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
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I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
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Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
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Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
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You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
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Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
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Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law\'s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
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You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you\'ll be afraid to cough.
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People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
I don\'t pray because I don\'t want to bore God.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
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If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
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Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
I\'ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn\'t it.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels?!
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Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
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If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
I don\'t pray because I don\'t want to bore God.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
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Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/17/(Tue) 17:22
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